SOMETHING ABOUT ANGIE

Dates From The Darkside












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Two ugly guys (no I didnt date them) Thank God.

Okay we all have them even though we rarely talk about them. Let's face it there are more than enough losers to go around and that includes women to. I have heard some real whoppers from men who have been on some pretty bad dates... but this is my page and so it's all about me. In this section I will write about some of the crazy dates I have been on and hopefully your name won't be here... LOL on second thought if you are one of the freaks I am writing about I hope you see this.








































KURT THE MECHANIC: Prompted by seeing my ex with another woman, shortly after my divorce I decided I to should start dating. The entire world had changed and I was lost as far as that whole seen went so I chose to answer a personal ad in the Newspaper for singles. Thats where I met Kurt. He was a bit older than I was and very patient when it came to my reluctance to sleep with him. We became very close friends but because my ex husband was the only man I had been with the sex thing was on hold. One day he took me to the county fair and afterwards we were talking when all of a sudden Kurt began to weep. I being the concerned type asked him what was wrong. He said he had a secret and wanted to share it with me... and was afraid that if I knew I would leave him. I told him not to worry because as I saw it whatever it was in the past and we all have secrets. That is when he said to me and I quote "I have had sex with farm animals and molested my daughter". I puked instantly and opened the door... He left and that was the end of that. Thank God I didnt ever sleep with him, but I took a long long shower anyway.

Looking for Love in all the wrong places will get you no where.

JIM THE CANADIAN STALKER: I met him at a comedy club. It was a blind date and he had came from another town about an hour or so away. At the club I knew instanly that we were no match, his sense of humor was that of the British style and mine was way out there. He critiqued everything and even had the nerve to say after I ordered a second pepsi and once again I quote: "Have you ever heard of the saying let me know if I am going to get some before I spend $10.00!" That was it! I told him I paid $10.00 to get him into the club and so the way I saw it he still owed me. He proceeded to get drunk and I felt obligated to let him sleep on my couch, in the morning when I woke up he was staring at me. I was surprised to see him standing in my doorway so asked him what he was doing there. He then asked me what I would have done had he come into my room in the middle of the night... I said I would have slapped him upside his head with my luisville slugger, handcuffed him and called the police. He was offended. He then stalked me via snail mail and prank calls for a year and a half. There is much more to it then this but this is the basic rundown.






RANDY THE PARANOID: I met this jewel over the web. First we met for lunch and that went well. I was not totally impressed with his looks but he seemed nice enough and for me it is more about personality so I thought what the hell. We decided that we would get together that weekend for a movie. During the week I had gotten screwed over by my bank and was very upset about it, mostly because I was not the only person they had screwed over. I am not the type to take things like this lying down and for me it was a matter of principal. I told Randy of my plans to have a T-shirt made that said I GOT SCREWED BY ARVEST BANK ASK ME HOW. I was then going to stand across the street and pass out flyers. It was a worthy cause and even Randy himself had had problems with them. Instead of being suportive he tried to talk me out of it by making a million excuses as to why I should not carry through with my plan. Things started clicking in my mind and I began to ask him an assortment of questions... like have you ever ridden a roller coaster? Would you swim in the ocean. It was then that I realized he was afraid of risk of any kind. It was deep rooted I guess because when he was little his father was reaching into the back of a garbage truck for a watch he saw in there and was eaten alive. Sad but true. I think Randy will die at an early age of the common cold.

JAMES THE FREAK OF NATURE: Okay guys listen up. Size does not matter up to a certain point. Thats where this guy comes in. I finally decided I was ready to have sex again and guess what! His well you know was 14 inches long. There was NO way I was going there! For one thing he could kill a girl with that thing I am sure and for another.... I think I went into shock when I saw it. It was a good thing though that I didnt have sex with him because even though he came to visit every weekend and even brought his kids... He was in fact living with someone. I found this out when I went to visit him and the house he supposedly lived in was vacant. It was a small town so I managed to track him down at the home of his livin girlfriends. He was shocked that I had driven all that way. Anyway this is a guy who really should have considered a job in the porn industry, one because of his unusual appendage, and two because he was as dumb as a box of rocks. He was the male equivelent of a Barbie Doll. He actually said that he could not leave his girlfriend because I had a fear of committment. Go Figure.






RODGER THE DOG GUY: Okay he was more of a friend then a date. I also met him via the web and we became good friends. His wife had left him and his three boys recently to become a slave. At any rate he was having a hard time and we became good friends. I decided that perhaps he could use some help packing her things up as that would be best for the boys as well. They just needed to move on. I loaded up my car with my blankets and my favorite pillow and was off to Kansas. I figured I would sleep on the couch and leave in the morning. Anyway when I got there I found things a real mess. Now I am no neat freak but this was bad. He has failed to mention that he also had five dogs and five cats all of which stayed indoors. The dogs had eaten the couch so that option was out. I could not leave because the bank was closed and I didnt have the cash. I had no choice but to sleep next to Rodger. He didnt try anything and I was relieved however overnight there had been a blizzard and there was no way I could leave. That evening when it was time for bed, Rodger was patting my pillow down and flipping it over... now I had had the same pillow since I was a child and I am kind of picky about that sort of thing... so I asked him why he was messing with my pillow! He said it was because Peaka the mini doberman pincher sometimes pees on the pillows and he was just checking. That was just it! I left as soon as I could and gave the boys my blankets and stuff because they didnt have any. The saddest part was that he thought this was normal. Not in my book though.







































This list of freaks could go on forever, but my space here is limited so I won't bore you with anymore of my tales from the darkside of dating. Yeah I am still looking but with my eyes wide open. I Don't have any regrets about any of the men I have met because I have learned something from each one of them. The biggest thing I have learned is to ask a WHOLE LOT of questions.

So take it from me ANGIE a virtual stranger trying to live a normal life in a freaky world. If you are gonna be having sex be sure and take a raincoat or in some cases a full body condom. Better to be safe than sorry.